WELCOME TO THE VILLAGE FOR MAMA POSTPARTUM STORIES SERIES, WHERE WE CHAT WITH SOME OF OUR FAVOURITE MAMAS ON THEIR BIRTH, POSTPARTUM EXPERIENCE AND HOW THEY GATHERED THEIR VILLAGE.
Hello I’m Amy. I am a twin mum to three boys under five. I’m a Melbournian but we live, work and play on Dja Dja Wurrung Country in Central Victoria (Bendigo) – my boys were all born here and they think Melbourne is “really big and high”. My eldest is turning five this month and my twins will be three in August. I really believe that infancy is birth to 3 so I can’t believe that my babies are already entering their last year of being babies. We’re definitely living through those big brain shifts of 2 years old right now – my household is wild. I am also a naturopath with a special interest in the mother-infant dyad and working with mums in the throws of the early years continuum, especially those of us who are also entering perimenopause.
I’ve had three vaginal births but two were assisted. My first with an episiotomy and my third (twin 2) was guided out, but thankfully no episiotomy – but both happened in theatre with spinal blocks in preparation for caesareans. I went to 42.5 weeks with my first, but my twins were induced at 38.6 weeks. My middle child (twin 1) was my most beautiful birth. I rode the contractions for him like a wave moving up and down and actively relaxed between contractions – palms up, floppy face, floppy shoulders, rocking on a ball. After two hours we experienced the foetal ejection reflex and time stood still – it was truly magic, like being teleported to the astral plane. I am sad that I didn’t experience this with all my babies.
I think the stress of navigating whatever the hell a “lockdown” was while labouring definitely contributed to needing an episiotomy – I was not in flow, I was holding on tight as I was reading staff emails and arguing about my mum being let into the building.
My first birth deeply impacted my postpartum, but thankfully my twin’s birth was a much nicer experience and calmer postpartum. Before my first birth, I thought I was prepared. I had read Ina May’s Spiritual Midwifery and Guide to Childbirth, The First 40 Days, and The Fourth Trimester. My son was a conscious conception, I had a doula, and was soon to graduate as a Naturopath. My freezer was stocked, my herbs were ready. I was going to be a physiological birthing, breastfeeding, well nourished, cosleeping mama. But nothing could have prepared us for what actually happened. My first son was a true COVID baby, born just two days before Victoria’s first lockdown. While I was in labour, the hospital staff were literally reading a printout of an email announcing the lockdown. No one knew what that meant and they weren’t sure if Pete could stay in the room (when he left for supplies the next day, he wasn’t allowed back). My mum and doula drove up from Melbourne and were turned away at the door. Looking back, lockdowns became second nature to Victorians, but for the first one, no one really knew what they were and there were no services set up, no such thing as telehealth.
After birth, my episiotomy stitches tore so the wound wept a lot. Then the remaining stitches didn’t dissolve and became infected. At three months postpartum, I developed a bladder prolapse, vaginismus, and vulvodynia. By the time things started reopening at around eight months, I saw a local OB-GYN for my prolapse and pain. Her exam was physically brutal. When I explained that I feel like there is a golf ball sized tampon in my vagina, she told me that, “Women should really be taught that they won’t be the same if they choose vaginal birth”. I literally limped out of that appointment, barely able to sit in my car and had to lie down in bed with a heat pack on my crotch when I got home. It was not a great time, physically or mentally, for any of us.
Thankfully, I found a local specialist pelvic floor physiotherapist who helped me recover without the drugs and surgery the OB-GYN had suggested. I refer all my clients to her now because her care was magic.
When my first son was 18 months old, we were surprised with the twin pregnancy. I was disappointed knowing that I wouldn’t have the restorative home birth that I really craved. But twins are so exciting for all the other reasons. We went about preparing for postpartum by stocking the freezer and working out how on earth we were ever going to sleep again.
Thankfully my twin postpartum experience was the complete opposite of my first, despite having a hospital birth and one baby in theatre. I think the experience with twin 1, the portal-shifting beauty of the foetal ejection process, not having an episiotomy, and the fact that my twins latched and slept made the biggest difference. Plus we were experienced parents.
I asked my partner to install a TV on the wall before the twins were born because I was really determined to lay down with them and recover. I was a little nervous that my recovery might be like my first. Thankfully it wasn’t and we never really used that TV, but I still rested way more after the twins than with my first. We have a system for making sure that there is always food in the fridge ready to be made into meals – there is always cooked rice or pasta, always cooked veggies, things like a pasta sauce, soup, stew ready to go. This is the only way that I managed twin babies and a 2yo when my partner returned to work after 4 weeks. I developed a really strong rhythm – we were out walking (I’m regional so pram-appropriate nature is nearby) by the time the twins wanted their first nap so they’d sleep between the pram and the carrier. Then in the afternoons we would sit down and watch a movie together and the boys would all fall asleep in the lounge. I used the twin-z pillow quite a lot to rest the twins in. I would get some things done but mostly try to rest on the couch. It was a really beautiful time and we even managed to get our 1000 hours outside in those 18 months before I went back to clinical practice and my eldest started kinder.
OMG I hate hospital food but my partner LOVES it. It is a running joke because he is actually a chef (turned highschool teacher). I had brought in some protein date balls and I think they were the first thing I ate and asked my partner to go and get me a really hot decaf latte from the cafe. A few weeks after the twins were born, a friend who raises her own livestock visited with a huge container of beef and veggie stew. It was so plain but so nourishing I think I had about 3 bowls in a row. I remember sharing this meal with her the most.
I made the Boob to Food beef brisket so many times after the twins were born that I am not sure I’ll ever eat beef stew again hahaha (just jokes, I want to make it again now I am thinking about it). You can eat it out of a mug one-handed, it’s so good.
We moved to Bendigo just before our first son was born and then went straight into the Victorian lockdowns so it was pretty isolating. Thankfully, my partner is my biggest support – he does most of the things that need to happen to keep a house running and the family cared for. My mum is also a huge champion for me from afar. She’s always supported my parenting decisions and we chat on FB every day. Things like cosleeping start to become a really touchy subject when you have a low sleep-needs baby (IYKYK) so I really appreciate her support. When the twins were 4 weeks old, I met another mum in the local library and we have been friends ever since. She introduced me to a whole network of like-minded families in Bendigo and it has been a wonderful 2.5 years sitting in circle with other mothers and watching our babies grow together. I’m starting to feel like a local here nearly 5 years on.
The forceps from my first birth left my son’s tiny face bruised, and we could not get a latch. There was no formula or nappies on the shelves (remember the supermarket riots of the very first lockdowns?!). Every tin of formula we could get our hands on he power-spewed across the room. He stopped gaining weight. There were no home visits, no Maternal Child Health Service, no telehealth and no GP appointments until he was about 2 months old. Thankfully, my cousin had given me her Spectra breast pump before birth, so I learned to express quickly (thank you, Spectra, we bottle-fed breast milk for 14 months!). But Max was an ultra-low sleep-needs baby until he was about 3.5 years old.
The twins were the complete opposite – they latched and were starving all the time. Of course it was my dream to tandem feed but we could never manage it. I think maybe because one twin was a teeny 2.6kgs and much smaller than the other. They were really hard to juggle together.
I do have a very cheeky hack for bottle-feeding twin mums to help prop up bottles. It is frowned upon in some circles, but I am a firm believer in doing what you can to get through those early days. My hack is to use an unheated heat pack to prop bottles and lay your baby on their side. The heatpack allows you to adjust the bottle into a safe and comfortable position and your little one can’t move it or flick it over their face like they can with a rolled up towel – but obviously you still need to watch them.
What do you wish you had known or someone had told you about postpartum or what would you do differently next time round?
I think because of the experience with my first and needing to pump and bottle feed, I ended up pumping and bottle feeding the twins more than I probably needed to. Because I couldn’t manage tandem feeding, I alternated them between the boob and the bottle. Eventually they preferred the bottle over the boob and I went to full time pumping with them too. I still feel sad that I didn’t get the full breastfeeding experience that I wanted with any of my babies. But I did end up expressing/pumping for about 4 years all together which is a pretty big achievement.
The coconut vanilla custard for sure – I really love custard and would happily eat it everyday. I usually add a dash more maple syrup. Egg yolks and custards are very high in my first-foods artillery too (after 1-3 weeks of bone broth). I’ve also made this in little jars for kinder with a little more gelatin so it sets extra hard but is manageable with a spoon – divine!
We acknowledge the maternal wisdom passed down through matrilineal lines across all cultures, embracing the knowledge and traditions shared between women for millennia. From Crone to Maga, Mother to Maiden.
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