WELCOME TO THE VILLAGE FOR MAMA POSTPARTUM STORIES SERIES, WHERE WE CHAT WITH SOME OF OUR FAVOURITE MAMAS ON THEIR BIRTH, POSTPARTUM EXPERIENCE AND HOW THEY GATHERED THEIR VILLAGE.

Firstly, would you like to introduce yourself and share a little about you and your family? If you felt called to, it would be amazing for you to share about your ‘mama village’ living arrangements too!

My name is Nessie (Vanessa). I am 32 years old and first-time Mama to my little boy Rupi and my rescue Dog Vinnie. I am originally from Germany, the youngest of five children and moved to Australia 8 years ago.

I am a Birth- and Postpartum Doula, a children’s and parenting Mentor for Dandelion Mindful Education and Virtual assistant. I run my business “Naturally Ness” and also joined forces with another Mama during my Postpartum period – we are about to launch our new business called “Kirra Creative Agency” in February – where we support all things websites, branding, marketing, content and back-end business admin specialising in women and mother-led businesses.

I spent most of my first trimester in Germany with my family – I felt the call to go home and connect with my roots very strongly – and about 5 months into my pregnancy & back in Australia I separated from Rupi’s Father. It was a hard and heartbreaking decision and time but I knew it was the right decision for us. 

Coming back to the Gold Coast I found a beautiful shared home to move into with another Solo Mama of two. We had the dream of creating a little support village for this sacred season. My housemate – at that time – had an almost 2 year old and a newborn baby. Now Rupi and I are on the journey of moving into our own little sanctuary but it has been a wonderful experience to live with other Mamas these last 8 months. I think it’s a wonderful idea to join forces with other single Mothers for anyone who is on this journey. There are so many gifts in a joined living arrangement, when values & beliefs are aligned and support is shared equally. 

We so often prepare for the birth and forget to prepare for postpartum. Something else we don’t tend to acknowledge is how much the birth can impact your postpartum experience. What type of birth did you have with Rupi?

I birthed Rupi at home with the support of my dear and close friend Avalon, my Doula, friend and Mentor Meaghan and my housemate was present too (and her little one who woke up in the morning and witnessed him coming through). Rupi came earthside in a beautiful and intense 33 hour birth ceremony and was born into love and safety surrounded by women. It was absolutely perfect, I would never change a thing about it and the best part was to head straight back into our own bed to rest, cuddle, land and recover. 

How was your recovery from birth and did it impact your postpartum experience?

Due to my work as Doula and all the amazing women in my community I was very aware of the importance of rest after birth. I had always planned to commit to a 40 day confinement period. After separating from my partner I was definitely scared and nervous how  this could be possible. I really called in a sacred Postpartum time and I was lucky enough to receive it. The women in my village – you included – gathered and made sure I was so looked after. 

For some reason I never thought too much about the physical aspect of recovery and expected  it to be “easier” than my experience really was. I had a labial tear and experienced a mild form of prolapse. I also twisted my foot badly as I had a fall right after giving birth. I was in quite a lot of discomfort and I really struggled to walk, get up and sit up. My sacrum, the prolapse, my foot… it all really kept me confined to my bed.  I was pretty strict on bed rest for 3 weeks at least and after this period I just went on tiny little walks around the house and in the yard.

I did not expect how long it would take me to feel physically a little more stable and I kept on thinking how anyone would be able to leave the house days after giving birth or drive a car. I was so grateful to be supported, stayed in bed, sat in the morning sun when I felt like it and kept my legs together to help with the prolapse. For my tear I only used Manuka honey and it all healed up in a couple of weeks. I treated my foot with comfrey & arnica oil and took homeopathic remedies. 

What are your non-negotiables for postpartum recovery?

Food, Snacks, Food, Snacks… honestly I believe having nutritious food and snacks makes all the difference & not having to cook. A Meal Train and good freezer preparation are essential. I can not stress enough about this. Apart from a few breakies I didn’t have to cook for almost 6 weeks. Even when Rupi and I had to spend 3 nights in hospital at 4 weeks old my village showed up and fed us. ( I will never forget your amazing husband turning up with warm foods and snacks while me and Rupi were in the ER). I did not eat one hospital meal but had delicious organic meals and snacks brought to us. I am so incredibly grateful for each meal that was brought and cooked with love during this really challenging  experience. Warm herbal drinks were also such a treat, especially in the first weeks. I felt extremely thirsty all day and my throat was quite sore from roaring my baby out for such a long time. Having a thermos container next to my bed to keep meals warm was a game changer too I would recommend every Mother to be. Homeopathics are also essential. I took lots of arnica to help with swelling.

We are often told to sleep when the baby sleeps which can feel impossible. Yet rest is so essential for postpartum recovery! Did you manage to have moments of rest during your postpartum and how did you achieve these?

I absolutely slept when my baby slept. Not always, but definitely whenever I felt like it.  If I needed rest I allowed myself to rest. But I didn’t even feel as tired in the first weeks. Rupi has been (thankfully) quite a good sleeper and the hormone high kept me quite awake. I worked a little here and there(all from bed)  when I felt like it, napped or just stared at my baby.

There are some things we never forget and I think the first meal you have after birth is one of them! What was the first thing you ate after having Rupi?

Congee!! The absolute best meal after giving birth. I had about three different chicken congees in my fridge cooked by different women and I loved them all plus two black rice brekkie congees. All I wanted & my body needed. I did not have any other cravings. I think our bodies are so smart and will tell us what we need. My body definitely knew it needed something easy to digest and nourishing. 

What were your favourite meals during your postpartum?

Oh I loved all the congees and anyone who experiences haemorrhoids after birth should totally get onto that. Soft mushy foods are a must. I loved all the soups. I especially remember a delicious ramen, a venison stew, coconut chicken stew, fat bombs and brownies… but also lots of ghee in every meal and buttered sourdough was a must.

A village can be one person, it doesn’t have to be a tribe of support! Did you have a village of support for your postpartum? How did they impact your postpartum experience?

My village was everything and without it I couldn’t have had the Postpartum I had. The bond I have formed with my baby, the recovery of my body, the endless emotional support, my overall well-being is all due to the amazing birth support and postpartum village I called in.

I had a lot of people reaching out to me via Instagram saying: “You are so lucky, I just don’t have a village like you do” – and while I know that our community is something very special I also reflected a lot on the Whys. I feel like everyone wants community but no one wants to show up. (especially not when it gets hard) I have dedicated a lot of my time and energy to the people around me in the last years and it took me a little while to fully accept that now it was /is my turn to receive. So many people wish for community but that means to show up for people even if it requires the extra mile you have to go. I think that really shows in our community – we are all willing to do it. 

My amazing village of mothers, magas, maidens and fathers showed up to support me 100% and I will soon be ready to step back into the role of support too. Because I have been so supported I am also able to give back way sooner than others might be. My Village was everything. It really is so magical to support mothers in their postpartum journey. A nourished mother has the energy to heal deeply, clarity to connect with her baby, sttrength to step into this new chapter with love and confidence, and the capacity to show up in her community as a grounded, empowered, and compassionate woman.

What was the most helpful thing someone did for you during your postpartum?

I loved having people swing by checking on me. Changing my sheets, vacuuming my room and putting washing away.It really is about the small things that make a big difference.  So many showed up as well to walk my dog which was another game changer. I had someone popping by almost each morning and late afternoon to hold Bub while I showered and helped tuck us into bed. I really leaned into accepting to receive & allow all the support.

I remember Meaghan coming in one morning, changing my sheets, tidying my birth altar and giving my room a little cleanse. It made me feel so much more at home and easeful. Lauren came in and put fresh flowers on my bedside table, tidying up around me. 

Body work was also incredibly important. Abhyanga massage, Cranio-sacral therapy and massages during my Postpartum made all the difference. We give so much as mothers physically and emotionally, receiving some loving and healing touch is essential. 

Something that most mums are most surprised by is breastfeeding. It is biologically normal yet rarely comes naturally and often impacts our postpartum experience. It is also something we spend the most time doing during those early months! Would you like to share anything about your breastfeeding journey? Insights, tips or essential products?

Rupi did not latch properly until day 4. My milk came in on day three and my boobs were full and painful. I took the Haka pump to release some of the pressure. 

I remember a friend coming for a visit and I sat in my bed trying to feed. Rupi struggled so much and was so frustrated. 

While we sat there it came to me, this is the first proper parenting lesson: There is only so much I can do to help him, he needs to figure the rest out himself. This gave me an incredible sense of calm. I simply trusted that he would learn. I trusted him. 

I think staying calm and trusting my baby was the biggest breastfeeding lesson for me. On Day 4 in the late afternoon when I facetimed my brother Rupi latched for the first time properly, emptied a whole boob and fell asleep. I felt so accomplished and happy. He then basically did not leave my boob for the next 10 weeks. Apart from this wonky start we did not have any issues. My nipples were fine, no pain, nothing else… I am very grateful I am able to feed my baby in this way & absolutely love it. I hope we have many years to go. 

What do you wish you had known or someone had told you about postpartum or what would you do differently next time round?

I think the one of the things I really did not know was how uncomfortable the recovery from natural birth can be. I had zero interventions but it really took me a lot of surrendering to come to terms with how much discomfort I experienced. 

I also experienced quite a bit of Postpartum rage which is something I have heard about but never thought would happen to me. I felt very irritable, the exhaustion from birth really kicked in and even my baby screaming got to me… I really believe we need more awareness around these topics as these feelings can be so overwhelming for new mothers. 

I am so glad I was aware of the importance of rest & nourishment & community care and I had enough people to reach out to to talk about all these things. 

And lastly, what is your favourite recipe from the Village for Mama book?

Oh as you know I am obsessed with the Collagen bites from One Handed Bites for Postpartum & Beyond… I also love the turkey burger bites. I had your delicious Cauliflower stew the other day and really loved that too!!

AT VILLAGE FOR MAMA, WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT WAYS TO SUPPORT NEW MAMAS ON THEIR POSTPARTUM JOURNEY. WE ASKED NESSIE WHAT HER POSTPARTUM ESSENTIALS ARE AND HERE IS HER LIST:

1. My friend Agni Apothecary makes a great healing oil called “Back to life” for all swelling and pains.
2. Sam Birch’s “Under the birch tree” Placenta balm she made for me
3. Calm Mama Elixir from Motherbloom
4. Pachamama Tallow Balms (Baby and Womb) 
5. Milk the Label Feeding Bras
6. Indigo Luna Pants
7. Bogdao Wild Rose Toner
8. My Ebook “The Rite into Siblinghood” and my “Postpartum with Siblings planner” for anyone who would like to know more about how to include older siblings into their Postpartum.

There is also a “Welcoming New Life” Masterclass on my website where all questions about older siblings are answered and strategies to make the transition more predictable and easeful explained and a Free Guide for Postpartum with siblings activities.  

At Village for Mama, we are always looking for the perfect ways to support new mamas on their postpartum journey. We have recently launched Village for Postpartum, our postpartum directory where you can connect with postpartum practitioners like Nessie. Check it out here. For more of our favourite postpartum essentials, download our guide here.