It was listening to The Imperfects ‘Elephant in the Relationship’ podcast episode about the Fair Play Deck in the early months of my postpartum with the twins that really struck a cord.

As a stay at home mum on maternity leave with a husband working as much as possible to support us while bending over backwards to help in any which way he could it didn’t feel necessary or relevant. But, I had the thought that in a year’s time, when things start to shift I think this will be a game changer.

So I parked the idea and then around the twins first birthday when the overwhelm and resentment finally hit an all time high, I realised it was time and I hit ‘add to cart’. 

Ironically we haven’t played the game yet, because who has time with three small demanding kids to sit down when the ‘mood is high and tension is low’ to plan life… and better yet trying to coordinate that perfect moment with childcare or at bedtime when you need toothpicks to hold your eyes open and can’t muster up more than a grunt. 

I digress. 

While the kids were tottering around and dinner was being prepared, I went against the deck guidelines. I read the instructions out to my husband. 

I started to go through the cards on the kitchen bench, removing those that weren’t relevant to our family. Visually the deck is overwhelming. 100 cards of life tasks and admin. That mental load feeling thick and heavy in my hands. Could I stack the cards into two piles to illustrate the current balance of the household? 

In that moment I think we both realised how much it takes to run a household, how much gets done on auto pilot and how easy it is for resentment to breed when you have children and the stay at home parent becomes the life admin default. 

Fast forward a few weeks later and a morning shower to the soundtrack of three squawking kids and I have a lightbulb moment. How? Who knows… the mother brain works in mysterious ways. While in your own depths of challenges you brainstorm ways to help others. Go figure! Going through the fair play deck made me realise how many moving parts there are. How much a clear visual reminder can make a difference. 

“We underestimate just how much women are conditioned to take care of others, and how that conditioning impacts our capacity to receive help.”

– Pooja Laskhmin

After writing a piece on the ‘Postpartum Two Week Itch’ I realised that before long, if things you hadn’t thought about in advance hadn’t been taken care of, they got you out of bed. The little tasks that interrupt your postpartum rest and recovery.

This is when I realised how valuable the fair play deck can be for postpartum planning and gathering your village of support.

Here’s how you can use the Fair Play Deck to help plan your postpartum…

First step in postpartum planning is setting your intention.

How do you envisage your postpartum period and how long do you want to honour this time? How long is achievable for you and your family?

Now this timeframe may change when you use the fair play cards for your postpartum planning. You may realise your time frame isn’t achievable or you might just be able to give yourself longer.

A true postpartum rest and recovery period is around 6 weeks or 40 days. However this can be challenging for some families. I think for modern mothers, even 2 weeks of a protected postpartum, following the 5,5,5 postpartum rule can have a significant impact on recovery.

Now for the Fair Play Deck:

1. Sit down with your partner with the deck and pen and paper. 
2. Go through the cards and remove all cards that aren’t relevant to you and your family. 
3. With the remaining cards, go through and remove all the cards that can be reasonably put to one side for at least 6 weeks. Side note: Are there any that can be taken care of in advance or automated? (Bills, birthday presents etc)
4. Now you have your postpartum planning deck. Divide the remaining cards into 3 piles:

New Mama Partner Village

The New Mama pile should be the smallest of the three. There can still be tasks that a new mama can do but try and remember this is for a short period and the priority should be rest and taking care of the new baby. Some cards can be taken care of virtually like paying bills or ordering groceries. These can be done while resting and breastfeeding from the comfort of a postpartum nest.

The Partner pile might seem overwhelming but remember this is just for the postpartum period and can be reduced by leaning on your village.

The Village pile should help reduce the partner pile and maybe the new mama pile. These are tasks that you can ask your friends and family to help with for your postpartum period. The village cards can also include hired help such as cleaners etc.

This will allow you the space to focus on what is most important during your postpartum. Rest, recovery and caring for and learning your new baby. 

Once you have your piles, write down some notes around your plan of attack for postpartum. Write a list of your villagers and who you can contact for certain tasks.

You can get the Fair Play deck over on Amazon. The deck can be used again and again as your family grows and the dynamic changes. They are a great way to have open conversations about things that often slip your mind until an emergency arises. A truly wonderful tool for helping lighten the mental load of modern motherhood and parenting.

For more postpartum planning tools beyond running a household, check out the Village for Mama ‘A Postpartum Guide‘ E book.